Project Feathers 2012 // Maya

I don't believe it's completely possible to understand the depth of God's love unless you feel the hate of the world first. And I grew up feeling it. Everyday of my childhood was filled with pain and not understanding. Divorce, death, mean relationships, and difficult circumstances filled the years I was supposed to live in a world of rainbows and childhood bliss. It was rough and I grew to fear waking up every morning...what would one day more bring? I grew to have a bitter heart. I hated my Dad who left me family when I was young. I hated my Step Father who thought he could ever replace the gap of being fatherless. I hated my sister's boyfriend who treated her and my family like we were trash.

I would grow apart from God in those years. I didn't understand.

When my sister Emily was almost 18 (trust me...there's a point in telling you all this) she went to a retreat and were able to hear the Gospel for the first time and Em was saved. I saw a radical change in her life.. It made me wonder.

I was 13 and Emily kept sharing the Gospel with me. But I didn't listen and continued to live for myself. She made me go to Church one Sunday. Then she made me go to a youth retreat with her. I did because I couldn't help desiring what Em had. One of the nights I suddenly felt a deep burden of guilt I could not describe. I felt a fire and a rushing wind upon my back and I was shaking in fear. For the first time, I was certain there was a God but I knew I was not worthy of Him. The next day I told Emily this and once more she shared the Good News with me. I was overwhelmed and cried. That night I called upon His mighty name to wash my new with the blood.

I couldn't believe He would be kind to me, a sinner. He would die for me, a sinner. For I had broken almost all of God's law. I was a girl of morals growing up and taught that "If I was good, good things came." But the truth was I was to be eternally damned to hell and eternal suffering. I was dead in my sin. I was simply a thing of this world to fade away. I, along with all, deserve hell.
But God, being rich in mercy called me to be a disciple of him. I was naked but he clothed me in righteousness and I now I follow him with all of me.

I finally understood someone loved me for me. He loved me so much he would die for me.

It's been 5 and half years since that day when the Lord called me to be His. And I have been through a lot since but everyday my joy of Christ my Lord been as great. Because He loves me I want to live the rest of my life proclaiming to others this love. Oh, that I, a sinner may cry Hallelujah! What kind of a love is this?

It's been a hard journey, but I know God is faithful..and is leading me home.