Monday, November 12, 2012
and this goodbye will come slowly.
i've learned there will probably be no official "goodbye". but over the last few weeks, i have been thinking of the friend that i lost less and less. now i hardly ever think of her anymore.
but this is how it's been for the last couple of months. i will go for long periods of time without her coming to mind and then somehow, she will just appear there. and the hurt creeps back. and so do the tears.
right now. today. she came back again. making me feel back at square one again. the anger and the hurt over things that were left undone. the sadness over knowing things will never go back. that she will never come back.
people lose people all the time. everyday. so how is my situation different? i grew up without many friends. my very first real friend moved away when i was seven. not long after, i met the friend i would stay friends with for seven more years. that was half of my life. so it's nearly impossible to forget someone who was a part of that much of your growing up.
sometimes i just have to say, out loud, "i forgive you". because there is much to forgive and move on from. but i struggle. and as my wings start to grow, i still struggle.
i have grown much. and it may even take a few more years before the scars are finally all healed up.
so this goodbye will come- is coming- slowly. and it is good for this heart, to learn to cling to Jesus and trust that He is gonna help me to move on from those seven years. and even when i doubt that goodbye will ever be an easy thing for me, i don't doubt that He will ever let these hands go.