Sunday, January 6, 2013

wear your crown like a boss, darling. and feel free to strut.


being tested only makes you stronger.

that's what i want to start off saying.

and every hardship, every challenge that comes your way is there to make you stronger, 
and leave a better person standing when it's all over.

* * * * * 

it became hardest for me to believe in myself and believe that everything happening to me would make me stronger when i was 12.

i liked a guy.

he was handsome, and he was charming. and all the girls loved him. and he gave all those girls attention. he'd say things that would make them blush and giggle. and i couldn't help but wish that i was one of those girls.

i really liked him. but he didn't like me back. he was clearly not interested in me. i was this homeschooled nerd who kept her mouth shut and looked down at her feet way too much in order to avoid all eye contact.

after that, it left a little bit of a cut on my heart. i didn't understand for a long time what was wrong with me. i knew there must be something, since i was the only girl he had never hugged, it seemed.

and there have been a couple of guys in the last couple of years. i would like them, but they wouldn't like me back.

i would hear all those new love songs coming out. and it began to bother me that none of those girls sung about in taylor swift songs were me. i was definitely not the girl from Love Story.

right about that time, people stopped telling me i was beautiful like they did when i was younger. didn't even tell me i was pretty. i felt like i was constantly being pushed aside by guys for the prettier, slimmer, curvier girl.

so the cut kept getting wider and wider when it should have been healed long ago. and by now, it is in need of some serious stitching.

i think that if there is one thing i still struggle with the most, it is the fact that no boy has ever showed a mass amount of interest in me. and that always makes you doubt your worth. it always makes you want to cry. and some days, i actually did. and to be honest, some days i still do. it always makes you question what Jesus made. and that, eventually, leads to you doubting Jesus in much more than just the person He created.

* * * * *

over the last year, i have been able to correct my thinking a lot. i've been able to say,
"hannah, you were made in God's image. and He is perfect" and truly believe it.

but not all days come that easy.

some are tougher than others.

but can i just say, and this has nothing to do with pride, but it is the truth:

I AM WORTH MORE THAN GOLD.

AND SO ARE YOU, DARLING.

ALL THAT MATTERS IN THIS LIFE IS THAT ONE PERSON SEES US AS BEAUTIFUL.

AND YOU MAY BE CRAVING FOR SOMEONE, BESIDES JESUS, TO TELL YOU YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

I KNOW THE FEELING.

AND YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, AND I KNOW THAT ISN'T MUCH PROOF SWEETHEART, BUT YOU REALLY ARE.

DON'T LET ANY RAIN PUT OUT YOUR FIRE, LOVE.

DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT.

AND DON'T BE ASHAMED TO WEAR YOUR CROWN.

IN FACT, IT WOULD BE A SHAME TO KEEP IT ALL BOXED UP.

I HAVE HAD GIRLS TELL ME THEY DON'T FEEL PRETTY ANYMORE. AND I LOOK AT THEM AND THINK,
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?!"

NONE OF THEM EVER SEE WHAT I SEE.

BUT OUT OF ALL THE STARS OUT THERE, 
YOU SHINE BRIGHTER THAN THEM ALL. 

THIS PAIN, THIS TIME WHERE YOU FEEL UGLY, WHEN YOU FEEL WORTHLESS,
IT'S MEANT TO GROW YOU.

JESUS WANTS YOU, AND I WANT YOU, TO GROW.
TO KNOW HOW CRAZY-GORGEOUS YOU REALLY AND TRULY ARE. BOTH INTERNALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

AND ONE DAY, I PROMISE YOU WILL FIND OUT HOW LOVELY YOUR GLOW IS.


BECAUSE IT IS.

3 comments:

Jovita said...

Hannah, I totally know what you mean! Over the past few days I have been feeling hurt that guys don't pay me any attention. Even yesterday I was asking God "Why?". But another question came into the back of my mind - "Why does it matter?" Why does it matter what guys think of me if God calls me beautiful? I have by no means fully allowed this lesson to sink in, but I hope to carry this truth as a banner for those in my life to see. And Hannah, you are beautiful -completely and utterly, inside and out! Many blessings to you!

Ryan Gracie said...

Wow. This is truly inspiring. I have been struggling with this, and I don't like to acknowledge it, if that makes any sense at all, but you are definitely not alone. I go to a public school and I'm in the same situation. The fact that you can say all of this is amazing.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Hannah! This is perfect, I have always felt the same way, like there is something wrong with me because no guy has ever liked me; but now im starting to realize that it really doesnt matter what others think of me, all that matters is what GOD thinks. And its true, we are worth more than gold in His eyes. I love your blog and i think its amazing how God works through it to reach people. Thank you!!

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