two. zero. one. two.
this year has been a complete roller coaster. it was me, all the while, trying to do things i wouldn't normally do, because i have always wanted to be more brave. it was me, healing. it was me, hurting. it was me, laughing. it was me, crying. it was me, smiling. it was me, meeting a favorite band. it was me, making new friends. it was me, discovering a passion for music. it was me, picking up guitar. it was me, pushing past days of depression. it was me, finding out my true worth. it was me, trying to be genuine. and real. and it was me, learning to trust and follow God again.
there were beautiful days, and there were terrible days.
but if i have learned anything from this year, it is that it is very much possible that anyone can heal. because this year was a year of healing. and figuring out how my new wings work.
it was the best year of my life. because i felt new again. finally, after years of just trying to get through each year, i got to live again.
and more has come out of one year than anything has in my entire life.
this year has been a year of trying to push past this need to have the whole world's approval. i learned that in the end, all that matters is that i am happy with who i am. and i figured out that not everyone will love you for it, but the right people will accept you the way you are.
i forgave people i had been hating for years and years. which led to me learning how to forgive myself.
i didn't worry about stretching out my jeans when i moved too much. i simply lived.
i took steps toward moving on from the friend i lost along time ago.
when i look at myself from one year ago today, i am not the same person. when i see me, from one year ago today, i see a girl who was much less brave. much less daring. and very much joyless.
i didn't ever have a real picture of what true joy could look like.
now i do. now i know what it feels like and i don't want to ever let it go.
* * * * * * *
dear, dear, 2012.
you were the best thing that ever happened to me.
i have so much to thank Jesus for.
you were my Firework Year.
you were the year i let myself shoot across the sky.
not completely, because i'm not done healing yet. but it was a brave, good start.
and i pray that i will be able to continue to do that in 2013.