2013 // the year of action.

song for the year: start over by the afters

funny name for a year, i know. a lot of people these days seem to be naming their years things like peace, focus, simplify, or something of the sort. but mine is a bit unusual, i know.

action.

when i think of the word, i think of me, taking action. taking everything i learned last year and putting it into motion this year.

now that i've got an idea of who i am, it's time to start actually being me. doing things the way this new hannah would do them.

i have so many resolutions involving taking action this year. but one more thing i've added to the list that doesn't exactly blend into the mix is going to be rather hard, for me. it's something i've felt called to doing for a while now, but have been putting off because it seemed too impossible.

while browsing facebook the other morning, i stumbled across a quote by one of the boys of for king and country:

" S o m e  t i m e s   a   f r e s h   s t a r t   i s   t h e   v e r y   t h i n g   t h a t   i s   n e e d e d   f o r   u s   t o   p u t   p a i n f u l   t h i n g s   i n   t h e   p a s t .   A   n e w   y e a r ,   
a   n e w   b e g i n n i n g . "  

- luke smallbone

he is so right. and it got me thinking. about my friend. maybe this is the year that i stop dwelling. that i stop trying to move on. because i've felt stuck in the same place for a while. like i've just been trying to get away from the lonely feeling i always get when i think of her. maybe this is the year i really try to forget about her. not completely, because it is impossible to ever forget somebody who gave me so much to remember. but just to try to ignore those sad, sickening feelings i get when she comes to mind. try to move on. try to maybe press myself a little more than i ever have. not shove myself off a cliff, but a little push to get me going forward. get me moving again.

i've had my time to mourn. and i don't want to be stuck in that same place for my whole life.

it's just a resolution back there in my mind at the moment. i want it, but sometimes, i don't completely believe it will be attainable. so i'm going to attempt it, and see what comes up out of just trying.

* * * * * * 

i've planned and i've planned for years and years. but this is the year i actually say, "action". this will be the year that i stop saying that it will happen someday and say that it will happen today.

and i am so looking forward to it all. i am excited to be able to see myself in a year and say, "look how far i've come. look how far Jesus has brought me."

i don't want to stay the same, honestly, as i am today. i'm not done being fixed and i want to spend 2013 letting Jesus have every part of me. letting Him have His way. in every way. 

so here is my proposal to myself:

i propose that i be braver, stronger, sillier. 

more outgoing. more mindful. more helpful. 

worry less. relax more.

i propose that i make less plans and do things more at the spur of the moment.

i propose that i listen less to what the world says and more to what my heart says.

i propose that this be a year to break any chains left unbroken. 

i propose that this be the year that i start over. finally wipe the slate clean and begin writing my own story instead of some cliche story that someone else has already written.

happy new year, world. happy 2013.

may this be the year you face the very things you've been afraid of facing for so long.

i believe in you. i know you can reach everything you didn't think you could.

xx,

hannah