to be a dancer means to express yourself through movement. when you are insecure, you worry about what you look like in the mirror or to other people. and as a dancer, i can't fully express myself with all of this weight of insecurity on my back.
it's extremely frustrating to watch all of your classmates nail an emotion. but you can't. you just can't. and it's embarrassing. your heart feels heavy because you know you could do this at home, alone in your bedroom. but not here. here, you feel exposed and judged.
and if there is anything i have learned through hundreds and thousands of times of trying and failing, it's that you have to pull through each day to conquer your fear. because that's what it is for me, fear. the fear that i won't be good enough. that i won't be able to take a hold of my dream.
i fear the judgement from other people because i know the pain that comes with it. that feeling of worthlessness and being a disappointment to someone else.
fear has had years and years of eating away at me until there's nothing left but a girl who is tired of crying over and over again after a dance class.
it's a hard hard thing, the choice to attempt to face your fear. and i still have yet to try it. but i know i can, i know it is possible. i know that if i just work past the fear, everything will work the way it should. and then i can be free.
it's always darkest before the dawn, you know. and it's hard to dance with a devil on your back.
so shake it off.
p.s. watch this: