when it all changes. it's when you finally get fixed.

sometimes you're on your own. sometimes, you don't feel surrounded by anyone looking out for you.

the feeling of being alone is the worst of all.

maybe you are distancing yourself from people or being in relationships with people because you are afraid that all your secrets will come out and then you will be judged.

you're just all scarred up.

you wonder and wonder until your mind is tired about what you could do differently to turn your life around. what you could do to start an epiphany in your soul. to shake you up. once and for all. because you haven't felt alive, truly alive, in a long time. maybe it's even been years. it was for me.

but the trying never pays off.

until you figure it out all of the sudden. most randomly. it almost seems accidental. when you're at the end of your rope, that's when you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. when you're about ready to give it all up. when you are about ready to call your life a depressed mess, you get fixed.

He fixes you.

i believe i actually found Jesus when i started writing my heart across this screen. when i began helping others up with my struggles that i believed to be pointless.

yes. now i know what changed. i fulfilled my duty as a disciple, as a leader to His sheep. when i can look at what i write and know i am being a leader, it makes what i do have a purpose and i feel important. i feel the worth and i know what i was created to do. and that gives me millions of reasons to keep going forward. and that's how my freedom was found. and with freedom came the joy to see me through every day.

anyone can be saved. if someone like me can finally find her way after being lost for so long, you can too. if you only knew how messed up even a Christian homeschooler could be. well, Jesus picked even me up. and that is the most remarkable thing i will ever hear.

so even when there is nothing but darkness, don't let go. ever. sometimes you just have to hold on to a single thread of hope just to get you through until you get your epiphany. i think the key is looking for Jesus and trusting Him, instead of just waiting around for Him to show himself like i did.

i have heard that only strong people can survive life. not true. we are all weak. but only Jesus can make us all strong when we are linked arm and arm.

choosing joy,
hannah.