even when i have horrific nightmares.
even when i look in the mirror and don't like what i see.
i've been holding on. but a lot of the time, i have these things happen and i can't imagine why the heck He'd let them happen. to me. to anyone, really. because they're that awful. they're that painful.
stronger is the word i've been writing all across my heart.
somehow, He knows that this is gonna make me stronger.
in the end, years from now, He knows the person i'll be. and i can be a better, stronger person because of this. if i let Him mold me into that person.
i've been told that i "inspire people".
well, maybe i do. maybe i don't.
but if by chance someone needs a hand up- a boost- today, here's something i want to say to YOU, then:
even when the waves are taking you under, precious,
hold on just a little bit longer.
because just 24 hours, even, can make a huge difference.
they are with me.
every day as i take a step back from the mirror, not look into it so much, and try to figure out what it is He is wanting to show me through all this, i am finding joy.
which is something i've been desperately looking for for the past couple of years.
even when it hurts, i'm still trying to find joy.
and i can find joy in the fact that i have dear friends to see when i get home from this trip away.
i can find joy that i am finding healing, slowly but surely, from losing my best friend. i always thought i couldn't do that, but i am. because of Jesus. all because of Jesus.
i can find joy in the fact that i am stronger, much stronger, than i was this time last year.
this time last year year i had a long list, and still do, of broken dreams. a list of people who didn't do their jobs in my life.
but God is showing me that all those things weren't necessarily what i needed. some things i don't necessarily need. and i don't need anything like i need Him.
and He is giving me what i need to get through each day, a step at a time.
He's giving me a reason every day to SING. and sometimes, that means singing anyway.
even after i have a bad dream and i have fear and i don't know how to cope anymore, He tells me that it is gonna make me stronger.
the nightmares will make me stronger.
like Dad's cancer made me stronger.
like losing my best friend made me stronger.
like all these insecurities will make me stronger.
somehow, and i don't know how quite yet, i want to let Him make me stronger through this.
* * *
so let this make you stronger, beautiful.
somehow. i don't know you and i don't know what's wearing you down. but.
but it's all the same.
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger.
so, so much stronger.