individuality- or at least my own personal views on individuality- get a whole lot of... stuff.
stuff like judgement.
i can't even put into words how much it hurts to be judged. and to watch other people be judged. for what they believe. for their own personal decisions. but mostly, just for being who they are. staying true to who they know they are.
judgement has helped in the molding of me. the making of me. judgement was there to see if i would still stay true to myself. when it felt like the whole world was against me, it was always about remembering the only person who could ever completely accept me one hundred percent was Jesus. that He loved the fact that i was embracing this new me. this new me i was made to be. and i know now that this is the person i am supposed to be every day of my life. not every now and then or just when i feel comfortable being different. but every day. thanks to God, i finally know.
but, knowing doesn't always make it easier. i'd be lying big time if i said it was easy being yourself.
* * *
i think a lot of people tend to be afraid of things they don't understand. and a lot of times i tend to think people are judging me, when they might just be a little afraid of how different i am. which is okay, and it's expected. especially if they've known me since i was a little kid. i've definately changed a lot since then. but sometimes we have to determine whether it's judgement, or just the fear of the different.
but the reason i think i often jump to the conclusion that someone is judging me is beaucause every day, when i step out of my house and into the world, wearing dark makeup and skinny jeans and black nail polish, i'm already on edge. i'm tense and nervous, and i don't know what people will think. or worse, what i'll hear them say. i'm happy with who i am, but i can honestly say i'm not completely sold on all of this yet. i love it, and it is a part of what makes up me. but this is different. and as much as i love and embrace different, i'm still adjusting to it all and accepting the fact that i might not be embraced by everyone for it. i guess you could say i'm still just afraid of not being loved. i guess you could say there's still wounds to be healed.
so i'm learning to let go of what people think of me. let go of the need to have their approval. and hold on to God and cling only to what He says about me. what He says about all of us who are daring enough to be the people He made us to be.
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i've recently received a couple of emails. with words that hurt. i think we can all say that we know how much words can hurt.
i've been told i look dark.
i've been told i'm sinning.
i've been told i'm a bad example.
but really, i stand for individuality. i stand simply for being the person God created you to be. and holding nothing back. because i think a lot of people say they want you to be yourself, but in reality when we do become ourselves, they think it's all just too different. maybe what they say goes something like this,
"you can be you, as long as you don't stand out."
i thought we were supposed to stand out, though? if we blended in, doesn't it defeat the purpose? shining is our purpose. and we're all gonna shine different. none of us outshine one another, but we all look different. we all are different. this is what i try to get across in the way i dress.
well some of us like to wear sweat pants. some of us like to wear black skinny jeans. it's whatever you want for yourself. it's whoever you know you need to be. and i think that doing whatever it is you need to do is the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
my own way of self expression is not only through my clothes, but through music and through dance. but those are how i do things. those are some of what God placed on my heart to love. to make up me.
i have a dear friend who absolutely
"you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." - philippians 4:8
when i read these words, i look at what i try to do. what i try to express in how i dress and in the kind of music i choose to listen to. because what i do may come across as a bit dark to some people. but it's only because they haven't dug deep enough to find out who i really am. and why i do what i do.
and what i am is a girl who doesn't like black nail polish because she was depressed. she wears it because she figured out, through the depression, who she really was. what she really liked. and these are the things that i like. through a lot of self discovery, i found out what i was passionate about. and passion is unique. so this is unique to me.
i don't have it all figured out yet. i really hope that no one ever thinks i do. cause i don't. every day i am learning more about this person i am becoming. i can't wait, though, to see what i'm like in the end. and in the end, i think that all the stares and all the words that burn will be worth it. i know they will. because thus far, they have been. i wouldn't take it all back. ever. sure, there are hard days when i wonder if it's even worth it. but being original is being obedient to God, too, i think. acknowledging that He made no mistake when He created the perfectly wonderful you.
all i want- all i have ever wanted and will ever want- for each of you is that you find yourself. and that then, you would find the strength to be yourself. the strength that comes from God. the strength to go into full bloom.
so i want to give you something.
so i'm having my first giveaway.
i started manufacturing these bracelets a couple months back, but haven't had the time to get an online shop up and running. so until that actually happens, i'm giving away a handful of them.
they are pink, silicone wristbands that read "genuine" on the front and "always choose real" on the back side.
i have my own bracelet. and whenever i wear it, it's a constant reminder for me to not be afraid of who i am. to always choose real. to be all that this blog stands for. to be all that hannah is and all that makes up her.
and if i could, i'd take your hand in mine and press this bracelet into your palm. i'd say "i hope this helps. i hope this helps you to always stay strong. it's making me stronger all the time. and i want that for you. and i know you will find the strength to do that. there's no doubt in my mind that you will find it."
i'm giving away five of these bracelets. and i pray that whoever gets them will be blessed by their message. so, if you want the chance to own one, here's how to enter:
- comment, letting me know you'd like to enter for a chance to win The Real Bracelet. also, tell me a little of how you've applied being genuine to your own life.
and that's it! simple as that. i am so super stoked about these, guys. i hope you are as pumped as me!
i love you all. know that i am always praying for the finding of your own individuality. for each of you. because i know that the real you is worth praying for. that none of it is ever a waste. because you're not a waste, you're beautiful. and you won't be shaken.
*giveaway ends may 25th