when within the last year i started figuring out who i was again, i started giving everyone i loved, it seemed, this kind of test.
to see if they would still love me if i changed.
because, you see, i have completely changed.
i wanted to know if people would still love me if i started wearing black nail polish. if my interests and activities and even my passions and dreams changed completely.
i wanted to know that i would still be accepted if i started pushing myself to be more of an extrovert than an introvert.
* * * * *
a year ago, i took a good look at all my favorite bands. all of them were outgoing people who loved life everyday and didn't care what the world thought of them. they always stayed true to who they are.
i loved that about them all, and it inspired me.
it inspired me to take a good look at my own life.
when i saw me, i saw a girl who was afraid of stupid things all the time. who worried about what people would think of her way too much.
i've learned so much about myself just by starting this blog.
i learned that there was a me that no one still even quite knows, waiting to be set free.
i learned that music is my whole world.
i learned that i like tattoos.
i learned that i want to be a rocker some day.
i learned that it is important to always dream. and to always fight for your dream.
to not let negative people come between you and what you want for yourself.
i learned that part of loving is accepting.
i learned that i'd been wearing a mask for a very, very long time. i wore the mask just to make the people around me happy and pleased with the girl in front of them.
i was covering up who i was because i was afraid i'd lose the relationships i already had if i changed to much into the person i was becoming. the person i was meant to be.
not because the real me was bad or wrong, but because i know that people don't always love- well, a little bit different.
* * * * *
dear dreamer, who thinks there is no one like her,
there just is.
i know how it feels to have people all around you who don't understand why you like certain things or do certain things.
but i promise you, you will find people like yourself.
you will find the ones out there who believe in your dreams.
who build you up.
who understand your jokes and the way you say things.
but until then, know that there is a God who loves you, and believes in you more than any person in the world ever could. He knows you are going to do great, great things for this world. He's just wanting you to be brave enough to take the next step towards your destiny, darling.
and i want that for you, too.