dear little girls growing up,
i know how you wish to have a guy tell you you're beautiful.
i know how you wish you could proudly tell all your friends you've got yourself a boyfriend and have them be a little bit jealous.
i know you wish your world to work out.
i know how you think everything will be just perfect once you find your boy.
* * * * *
i went through middle school and my freshman year knowing i would never be content until i got myself a guy.
i had all these crushes on guys who never liked me back.
and suddenly, within the last year, i grew to have my first real feelings for a really wonderful young man.
you see, one day, our eyes met.
and every day since, i've grown to like him more and more.
for the longest time, i thought he liked me back. i would look and he'd be there. and he'd be looking at me. then he'd look away when he saw me looking.
i'd get all excited to see him every week. i'd paint my nails the night before. i'd save my favorite outfits for that one day i got to see him. i'd curl my hair.
and every week, i'd look around for him. and i'd catch him looking at me when i would finally find him amidst a crowd of people.
he was sweet. he was soft spoken and quiet. he was charming. and he wasn't your typical teenage punk. that's why i always liked him so much.
for a long time, i thought i could see us together. i'd spend all my days dancing around my room and singing to taylor swift songs. all the love story songs. all the songs where relationships worked out the way she wanted them to.
but my story has quickly turned into You Belong With Me.
at first, it all devastated me. to think that i was never going to be "his girl". it made me question what he thought about me in the first place. how he felt about me.
* * * * *
i know how it feels to feel so easily forgotten by him.
to feel tossed to the side by him so quickly.
to not feel wanted anymore.
i know how you wish you could only find the one who would give you everything you ever needed.
or, really everything you think you will ever need. because in truth, there is someone better than that out there for you.
i have found that because it didn't work out, it wasn't meant to be. this boy, he isn't a part of the plan God has got already made up and ready for me.
yes, i wanted to see him in my world. but he wasn't in it. he isn't. and i don't think he ever will be. not like i wanted him to be.
i can honestly say that this was the first time i really truly liked a boy.
really truly could say, "i like him for his heart."
and another thing to keep in mind is that boys will disappoint. they are human, and we can't expect perfection. that i have learned well as i have grown up. they will stop talking to you for no reason. they will leave you wondering what you did wrong- or what is wrong with you.
and nothing is wrong. you are perfect. and out of all the people that will weave themselves in and out of your life, you will find that the real ones will see you as you are. and you will be perfect to them, and for them. so if i am not perfect for him, then he is not the one for me.
which i know can often be sad to think and process and get through your lovestruck head at the time.
believe me, i have had my fair share of tears over this one.
but i can promise you that in time, your heart will learn to look at that boy you once had so much feeling for again. you will be able to look at him without shattering inside. it will come easier.
it hasn't completely happened for me just quite yet, but it is coming, slowly.
you'll learn to let go of what's in front of you as you get older.
and you will also learn that you are worth so much more than flinging yourself at the first guy who gives you a glance or a wink.
that's how security in yourself rises, you know.
choosing joy always,