Sunday, December 23, 2012

me then. me now. me always.

listening to Sinking Friendships by Jonsi

some days, i see a picture of me.

me, as a little girl.

and it is then that i think to myself, "i never would have imagined, in a million years back then, that i would have wanted to become what i want to become today".

i've always told myself to do whatever i want to in life. if i wanted to become a doctor, i would become one. if i wanted to become a vet, i could do it. i always believed in the strength i knew i had in me. never doubted it. i had all this confidence and never gave it a second thought.

insecurity made me doubt all that i could ever become. it's blurred my vision so bad that i couldn't even begin to imagine the road ahead for me anymore.

now that i am finding security again, i am also discovering new dreams and passions spring up from somewhere that i never knew existed. it's all coming from a beating heart. not the dead one i had for so long. it's coming from a new one that Jesus is making for me. that He is always perfecting and making better.

and with a new heart comes all these dreams i would never have dreamed about before. dreams that were so unfathomable to me as a child, that i guess they just never crossed my mind. until now.

this is the girl i am becoming. that i hope, twenty years from now, i still am, only more grown up and wiser. and completely healed. i hope that i will understand everything that i never understood or that i still can't figure out. i hope to always see myself growing. i hope to always keep on reaching.

when i grow up, i want to become a musician. i want to master the guitar. i want to sing. i want to perform on a stage.

it's all a dream, and sometimes i doubt it and feel too small for those shoes. but i know that if my dream is His plan, then everything will work out. and maybe the way i want things to be today, right now, won't ever even happen. but i know that if i follow the path He is writing for me, it will be perfect.

looking back at the way i did things as a kid, i remember having this love that i have now for music. somewhere along the way, i lost that passion. but it's coming back, day by day. and every day, becoming more and more clear. you see, passion isn't that hard for me to get my hands on anymore. i feel so close to it, which makes the light leading me along the road a little brighter.

choosing joy,


Hannah said...

Good luck, Hannah! :) You sound like my sister, she all of a sudden got this strong passion for music, and swears that she is going to be a guitarist in a famous band someday! :)

I have no doubt you can reach your dream. If it's meant to happen, God will orchestrate everything perfectly. Don't worry.

And I'll be there to buy your first CD! :D

Hannah said...

P.S. This song made me think of you; Still That Girl, by Britt Nicole. Look it up on Youtube! :D

the girl called Hannah said...

Oh my goodness thank you, Hannah! You are so sweet... and that song, that's my story! Thank you for telling me about it :) Merry merry Christmas sweetheart!

<3 hannah

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