( special thanks to Hannah from IN NEVERLAND for recommending it to me :)
three years ago today, my stomach wouldn't have been all that settled. it took weeks after my dad came back from the hospital after the cancer to feel alright again. for the headaches to finally stop. for the stress to calm down.
truth is, i guess it kinda took years for that to finally happen. i'm still working on that.
every year at Christmas now, i am so very thankful for everything that has happened in the last three years. all the healing that has taken place and all the growing and the learning.
but it does still hurt to think about parts of it.
it's also the time when i remember the friend i lost.
* * * * * * *
i've been thinking about her a lot lately. it always seems to hit me really hard during the holidays. another Christmas without her.
that's hard. that's toughest.
i remember all of our gift exchanges. seven years of gift exchanges isn't easy to forget.
all the things she knit for me.
i remember making gingerbread houses with her. laughing with her.
i remember her being there for me when we had rushed my dad to the hospital. when we thought he would die. i remember her letting me cry into her shoulder. she could have cared less if my tears were all over her coat.
|me, Christmas 2009.|
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
today is a good day. and i have so much to be thankful for.
i am trying hard to focus on that.
there are moments when she makes her way into my mind. i've already had my tears today.
but today is a good day. my daddy could be dead. i might not have one today. and i thank God for the girls i proudly call my besties now. who, ironically, have given me their own shoulders to cry into over all this.
there are hard days. and there probably will still be for years to come.
these are the hardest.
but i have found that the good has massively outweighed the bad.
so if this is the last post i write for 2012, i would like to end it with this:
life goes on.
my life is proof of that.
pain is inevitable. and the things we face make us who we are.
but, my dear, let those things change you into something beautiful. let them grow you.
that's all i want, for all of you.
Happy Christmas Eve, sweethearts. I love you all. <3