Thursday, October 18, 2012

the treble clef and i.

all those years ago, i was standing in church. and old lutheran church where it was all stiff people singing hundred year old songs from hymnals. had i never gotten out of that place, who knows. i may never have fallen in love with music. i may never have found myself with callused fingers from playing strings.

* * * * * * *

music was always just that thing that i listened to every now and then. there were probably only three songs that i even really liked. i was never all that interested in it. i never learned an instrument in my life. and i didn't really care all that much. it wasn't worth it to me.

but three years ago i fell. you all know.

i hit rock bottom.

and i do believe that Jesus wanted to grow a passion in me for music finally. i don't believe everybody is supposed to, but i do believe He wanted me to. i believe He wants it to be this big part of me, of who i am. and now it is. that is exactly what it has become. i believe by sticking me to a hard place and giving me a need for those songs finally to help me through every day, He began His work in me...

what i loved most was how some artist somewhere in the world could take an experience- a story- and give it to me and help me. and it stuck with me.

and slowly, i found myself listening to more and more music. it took a hold of my dead heart and filled it with joy again.

i began wanting to learn to play the guitar. and the piano. and drums. and i wanted to start singing again, too. really sing. like sing OUT LOUD. i wanted to get a little louder now. and i wanted to start writing my own songs. and eventually, i wanted to perform. on stage. i wanted to have my own band.

i found myself thumping my foot or tapping my fingers against anything to the beat of every song i listened to. i started singing out loud more often. the feeling, to this day, that comes up from inside of me is incredible. all of this emotion, all of this genuine passion. music quickly became a way for me to express what i was feeling. somehow, it was easier for me to sing it out then any other way. in my mind, i had words. but i couldn't get them out. so when i sing, it's all okay. it all comes up and out. and it feels like i'm flying.

one day, i discovered i had collected over four hundred songs on my ipod. and countless records from favorite bands.

all songs that had taken me somewhere or another.

all different kinds of music.

so, here i am.

probably today, three years ago, i would be lip singing when i was forced to sing. no emotion. stone-faced. a music-less girl. who didn't even know what bass was.

now, today, three years later, i am singing out loud. and working hard to get to reach all of my musical goals. strumming away at my guitar. learning to train and control my vocal chords through courses online.

i even contemplate being a music producer now and then.

here it is. i think that all along, even in the midst of not wanting to sing, Jesus knew i would one day. and i think that He wants me to be a link in the chain. the chain of people who were formerly inspired by artists and bands and now they are doing their thing and doing what those people did. i want to be the next link. if i can help people through song the way all of those people have helped me, then that is my place in it.

and i don't know where i am supposed to go with it all.

but i'm always growing. always loving music more and more. always gaining more musical knowledge.

like learning how to draw a treble clef.

your author,
the amateur rocker,

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