Friday, March 22, 2013

it's okay to change your mind.

i missed haiti from the moment my team and i boarded the plane.

i was already missing my sweet kids. and all the other friends i had made in just that one single, yet amazing and completely life-changing week.

and when we got to miami, i felt out of sorts.

i didn't feel at home.

and when i was finally, really home in missouri, i felt like i should be back in haiti.

funny thing was, when i was in haiti, i didn't miss missouri like i thought i would.

i missed the people back here that i loved, but i didn't miss the hot showers like i thought i would. i didn't miss the vanity. because when i was in haiti, i didn't think about much makeup. i didn't think about what my hair looked like. or if i was covered in dirt.

and i liked that.

and i miss it.

and i am trying to bring what i learned back there back here.

but truth is, coming back to the states has been hard.

very hard.

i get frustrated when i hear people complain about little tiny things.

i feel guilty sometimes when i have what looks like too much on my plate.

but mostly, i just miss people back in haiti. back at my home.

and i want to go back.

and i know i'll have to at least go back every year.

because i don't want to lose touch. and i don't want to forget. and because i love it so.
so very much.

and- and these are big words for me to type.
 and i can't guarantee i wouldn't live there someday.

* * *

right before we left, my mom had briefly thrown out there that i might love haiti so much that i might become a missionary.

i looked at her like she was crazy.

the sound of it all didn't even appeal to me.

it was something that was for other people, but not for me.

but when i go back, now, and look through my pictures and see each of those sweet faces, i can't imagine not going back.

and i don't want to see them just once a year. i don't want to visit haiti just once a year.

that's not enough.

and i don't know what that means for me at this point.

i just know that i love kids.

and i feel that it's my duty to encourage them, and love on them.

and i've got this heart that's tugging towards haiti.

but i don't want to rule anything out, either.

i've got all these dreams and ideas for myself.

all i know is i have to, absolutely must, go back home.

home to haiti.

because right now, it's all that i think about anymore.

and this, i know for sure, is a part of God's plan.

choosing joy,

and happy friday, lovlies. (:

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