when i first found out about the situation she faces, i remembered that feeling of being unsure and afraid. but mostly just alone.
when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer, i felt all of it.
and no one was there for me in the midst of all of it. Jesus was, of course. He always was. but no human came along side me or ever told me it was gonna be okay.
and it broke up this heart.
after that, i decided i never wanted another person i came across in life to feel that same way. i wouldn't let it happen. i would do everything in my power to keep someone from feeling what i felt.
because i wouldn't wish that kind of hurt on my worst enemy.
* * * * *
in the last couple of months, God has opened up these eyes to the people who need my testimony of triumphing over the darkness. He has showed me the ones already in my life i hadn't recognized before. or at least, i didn't see their needs before.
i didn't notice their depression, or their insecurity.
* * *
now and then, i'll be putting on my makeup or doing my hair and i think of her, my friend in the middle of a storm.
or i'll be doing school, and i think of her.
or picking up groceries at the store.
she's always on my mind.
that kind of pain, i think, still lingers inside of me. so i am really drawn to people in pain. i think God's got me wired now to help the hurting.
i want to write her, love on her. let her know that He does all things well.
those of us who have known the real, deep kind of pain, we know it and we understand it. and we have a duty to help up the weak. we also have a gift, i believe. that gift is a pair of eyes on our hearts to understand what it feels like.
because our pain is meant for good.
it doesn't ever just happen because of sin or evil, it happens for a reason.
He has us hurt to heal us, if that makes any sense at all.
He died to revive us.
so if we've gotta hurt, then why not stand shoulder to shoulder?
i guess if i were ever asked what i feel the most strong about, it would be this:
that no one should ever be left to stand alone.
so although being left alone through the cancer cut me up in more ways than even i could ever begin to see, it was meant to bring my sweet friend, i know, to the truth. to show her a place where she can come. i want to be the shoulder she can lean up against.
so if you know the feeling of not having that shoulder you wish you had had back when the days were as dark as the nights, be the shoulder.
because, love, it heals you along the way.