Monday, June 4, 2012

move along

she shamed you. and she just had to do it in front of all those people. like you were a horrible human being. like you were terrible at what you thought you did best.

then you feel terrible. you look down at the ground and don't say a thing. you nod, eyes still cast down at the wood floor. you want to run out of the room so bad. you are so shaky you feel as though your legs might give way at any moment. you try to look at your best friend next to you, because she's most likely feeling exactly what you feel right now. ashamed and embarrassed. and about something that you didn't need to be because it wasn't your fault. her eyes are red and she looks like she could cry. you feel like you could cry, too.

you both try again. you both fail. you both get shamed. again. in front of all those people. you feel sick to your stomach.

when you finally get out of class for the day, you decide to try and stay strong. you don't want to cry, you want to have thick skin. you've gotta be tough if you really wanna do this as a career, because this isn't the first slam you'll face, you say to yourself. but you don't have thick skin. at all. you break down. and even seeing a big justin bieber display at the grocery store doesn't cheer you up. not today. any other day but today.

you go home. you break down again. you let it all go into your pillow. you've been humiliated. and you can't believe someone you love like that would do something like that to you. you thought she was different.

you think it just couldn't get any worst. but you pull out your ipod. you plug in your speakers and you listen to a song. you know which one will cheer you right up, or at least give you a little courage to make it through.

* * * * * * *

this afternoon, i was that girl. i listened to move along, by the all-american rejects. i knew it was what i needed. it's message would perk me right up. so i sang along with them, and let the tears flow. i decided that i wasn't gonna mope around all day and dwell on my problem. i was gonna move along, even though my hope was gone, just to make it through. even though everything was wrong, i chose to move along.

well now my eyes are puffy, and my mascara is smeared. but i choose to go through a process called moving along. just to make it though the day.


with hugs and kisses,


Molly said...

Awww, Hannah, I will pray for you! I am so glad that you decided to move along. I often times dwell on something too long, and then end up feeling disappointed longer than I want to. Great encouragement :D


Anonymous said...

hannah, I love you and am sorry that you were humiliated. You know that if "she" didn't love you and care about you, though, she wouldn't have even bothered picking on you. I am here for you, know exactly how that feels when someone we love seems to turn on us. Remember that HE is in control! :)

Much love,

M Gates said...

Confidence rainbow. We all remember that, now don't we? Stay strong, Hannie :) xx
Lots of love <3

Megan said...

I wish I could give you a hug right now! I'm so sorry you felt humiliated. Kristen makes some great points. It's a blessing how our toughest moments end up growing us. I'm glad you were able to move along with song! Love, Megan

ThePixie said...

At the end of the day, life.goes.on. Moving along is the best thing you could've done! Talking to God does wonders too. ;) Keep staying strong girl, God won't give you more than you can take. :)

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