sail away

sometimes, i wish i could have you back. sometimes i get angry though when i think of all the bad that happened and then i'm glad you're gone. these days, i'm happy we've gone our separate ways. but that would be a lie. no, no these days, i miss having someone i knew as well as i knew you by my side, to hold me through the storms; the tough times. i hate feeling that way, guilty and regretful. but see when i think of you, i don't want to feel that way anymore. i want to move on from the grief and live my life. i want to sail away from the old life i spent with you and live in the now.

you have a life to live, too, and i think that's why i've been hanging back from moving forward all these years. i can't stand to see you move on in life without me, like you don't need me, because you know how much i always wanted to be wanted. but truth is that neither of us "need" each other anymore. it's time to move on and look forward to the future. i can't let you keep me from loving other people. because since you, i've put up big walls between me and other people who want to love me.

* * * * * * *

the steps that i want to take now will go toward taking one step at a time into my little row boat, toward sailing away from the past and to a beautiful island called Tomorrow. and my prayer for you is that someday, you will find that island, too.

much love,
hannah